Food
I thought, to succeed in life, I've to work hard but it's not true.
Sometimes not working hard brings success. Last evening, at a shopping
mall, after eating a sweet corn, a small piece of it got stuck inside,
between the inner set of my teeth. As this piece was so annoying, I
struggled to remove it. First, using the tip of my tongue, I tried
pushing the piece upwards, downwards and sideways, but instead of coming
out, it got settled even more deeply. So, I decided to try an indecent
method; looked around to ensure public is not watching me, I put two of
my fingers in my mouth to pull the piece out. But, unfortunately my
fingers are not small enough to hold such a small piece. I got
frustrated but didn't give up. I borrowed a safety pin from one of my
family members, insert it between two teeth but later realized that I'm
poking the pin between the gap that is just one tooth away from where
the corn piece is actually stuck. Blood came out! not the corn piece! At
one point, because of so much effort, my mouth started paining, my
tongue dropped, one tooth got wounded, the safety pin bent, and I became
tired and gave up. After several hours, the corn piece politely come
out of my teeth by itself, settling in the middle of my tongue. That
MOMENT! the MOMENT of relief, joy, and freedom. But guess what? to
celebrate this happiness, I bite, cut that corn piece into further
smaller pieces and ate them ALL!
Things/Objects
I'm very happy that the CDs are now replaced with pen drives. I still
remember, one of those days, I dropped a CD, by accident, on the floor
and when I tried to pick it using one of my one fingers, it slowly
started sliding sticking to the floor, instead of getting picked. So, I
struggled, use all my 3-4-5 fingers, other hand's fingers, use palms,
only to see the CD slide even faster and faster. I got fed up, but came
up with a strategy; I thought, I'll slide the CD, take it to
one corner of the wall, get grip by pressing the CD against the wall,
insert my finger nail along the sides of the CD and pick it. Guess what
happened when I did this? Earlier it was sliding across the floor, and
now it is sliding, slipping along CORNER the wall. At one point, I gave
up and took help of my brother. To my shock, instead of picking the CD,
he continued sliding the CD from where I left, covering the other
portions of the floor and corners of the wall around the house. That's
when I seek God, "Oh god, isn't there a solution AT ALL for this?"
Puff...."Pendrive!"
Marriage
I had been
to one of my close relative's marriage last evening. In the marriage hall, I
had to smile at many strangers whom I don't even know. For instance, my wife.
Marriages
are made in heaven. why don't these couples also make kids in heaven itself so
that the earth is saved from over population? I shouldn't be talking about it,
though.
My 4 year
old son is upset with me. Last evening, while glacing through my marriage photo
album, he realized that he is not in it, he said, "Dad, I am upset because
you never invited me for your marriage". I said, "Don't worry, I will
invite you next time when I get married." He, "Do that, otherwise I
will never talk to you"
My three
year old son doesn’t seem to understand the concept of marriage. He thinks
marriage is all about getting gifts. Recently, we had been to a marriage and he
saw the couples getting big boxes of gifts. He turned towards me and said,
“Dad, shall we get married? After marriage give all toy gifts to me”
There are
certain things in life that are beyond human possibilities. Last evening I was
watching my marriage ceremony recorded video. No matter how much I rewind, it
stops right on the day of the marriage.
After
Marriage, I had two options in life. 1) Be quiet 2) Be quiet. Though,
initially, I had tough time choosing one of the above generous options, after
serious considerations I opted for the second because the first option is
little difficult to live by.
I came
across a self-book titled "This book will change your life" and I
didn't buy it as my life has already changed after marriage. I can't undergo
another catastrophic change in such a short span.
Friends
Next time,
I'd better not invite my friends home when my 4 year old son is around.
Recently, I had invited one of friends and he was astonished looking at my book
shelf. He said, "Sridhar, you have a great collection of books". Even
before I could respond to his appreciation, my son interrupted, "But he
never reads any of those books".
Today is my
birthday and I started my day with an embarrassment. One of the my friends
called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday but I was in the toilet. So,
my son picked the call. My son, "Hello", My friend, "Can I talk
to Sridhar. I like to wish him", My son, "He is in the toilet.",
My Friend, "When can I call him back?", My Son, "Call him after
one hour because he usually takes really long time to come out of the
toilet."
I have some
friends who curse interestingly. This guy cursed me last evening "May all
the hair on your head fall but one and let that one hair grow grey"
I wish I
knew mind reading, especially to read my 3 year old son and his friends’s mind.
Last evening, I was watching TV, someone poked me from behind; I turned around,
and I saw my son and his other five friends sitting with absolutely no
expression on their faces. I wish I knew mind reading.
I yelled at
5 of my friends who called me while I was reading the book "how to make
friends and keep them all through the life"
I'd better
not help my friends anymore. Today, I was inside the office elevator and one of
my friend was approaching to get inside the lift. With an intention of keeping
the elevator door open, I pressed the close-the-door button. The door closed
even earlier than the usual time it was supposed to take.
I'm going to
return all the questions of my 4 year old son to himself when he grows up and
see how he manages to answer these type of questions. Last evening, "Dad,
will you buy me fish and chicken to eat because my friends suggested it is
tasty and delicious?", I, "Son, we are vegetarians; fish and chicken
are non-vegetarian food", He, "That's ok. buy vegetarian fish and vegetarian
chicken"
My friend
wants to lose weight. He had a small apple in the morning. He was so proud
about it and celebrated his achievement by having a massive three course heavy
meal in the afternoon.
One of my
friend has this amazing skill of Being able to drive and refold a road map at
the same time.
The only
girl who is always friendly with me is the one who guides me in the elevator.
she is always kind enough to say "first floor", "third
floor", "ground floor". And the best part is, my wife can't stop
her by saying "stop talking to my husband"
Yesterday, I
curiously told a lengthy joke to my friend only to realize that he was the
person who told me this joke a week ago. Thanks to my memory.
A friend of
mine has a peculiar memory power. He remembers everything about a person except
their names. I met him last evening and he goes, 'hey...s...well, how is your
new role at office suresh.? Sorry sandesh.? Sorry about that, i know that your
name starts with 's' but....'
Festivals/Events
Personally,
if you ask, I wouldn't prefer bursting crackers on a Diwali for a
simple reason; I'm SCARED and I get hurt! I still remember, those Diwali
days of my childhood, when I was about to burst my first atom bomb.
That day, I gained courage, had a clear plan on how to burst this atom
bomb. I said to myself, "Keep the cracker in the middle of the road, lit
it with Agarbathi (usually used to lit Crackers), run on your RIGHT
direction into the house, wait for the cracker to burst". So, I kept the
cracker on the road, when I tried to touch the tip of the cracker's
fuse, because of nervousness and fear, my hand was insanely shaking, and
the agarbathi goes left, right, up, down and around the cracker's
fuse(tip) but not at the fuse. During this circus, without my knowledge,
the atom bomb got lit somehow. That's when my right brain said, "Ok,
it's lit, run to your RIGHT direction as per the plan", my nervous
middle brain, "But, which is the right direction? I'm little confused"
my left brain, "Bro, what is important, directions or your LIFE?", so I
ran for LIFE in all directions, stood in a place, closed my ears tightly
using my hands, instructed all the passing vehicles, walking
pedestrians and everybody around to stop for a while, though one street
dog didn't listen to my instructions. It casually walked past the
cracker with a matured smiling face that actually meant, "I don't know
when you humans would get some courage in life and above all, the
cracker is actually not lit at all!" However, all of us patiently waited
for sometime and realized that the DOG was actually right. Everybody
was upset but I didn't lose hope, I went close to the cracker, inch by
inch, still thinking, "What if it bursts?" and then, this time, I
actually lit the cracker, ran away, and waited closing both my ears
tightly with my hands. The cracker bursted but along with the smoke that
is spreading from the atom bomb, I was shocked to see some smoke from
my behind too. Guess what? when I tried closing my ears with my hands,
the agarbathi's fire lit tip, which was still in my hand, was making
tiny holes in my brand new Diwali shirt and was politely burning my
shoulder. My dad inspects and says, "Son, we're spending more money
buying BURNOL Ointments than buying Diwali crackers."
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